Unwanted Conversation

"Do you perceive you live your life through love or fear? They are 
very different manifestations. My favorite quote is by the English 
novelist Iris Murdoch. She said, “Love is the very difficult
 understanding that something other than yourself is real.
I like the idea that all that love is, 
is acknowledging another’s reality."

Milton Glaser in How to Think Like a Great Graphic Designer  by Debbie Millman.

Retrieved from http://literaryjukebox.brainpickings.org

Friday night. Sitting on a couch in one of the busiest clubs in town. Yet for now it is still empty and I am one of the first to get here tonight. As  none of my friends are that early,  instead of awkwardly wandering around the dark empty dance floor I decide to sit down. People start gathering, but I still don’t know what to do with myself… Instead of staring at them I pull out the greatest invention of human kind that now offers me a perfect solution – social media. It’s all good, its socially acceptable to be unsociable as long as there is a smart phone in your hand.

 – Do you want to talk?

I look up surprised, but this middle-aged men gives me little time for choice and just sits down next to me.

 – I love music.

He goes.

 – You know I work, eat, then go to bed and in the morning it’s all over again. But then I come here and I dance and for few hours nothing else matters. With music I escape.

Taken that his pupils are massive and knees keep nervously shaking I decide to shift the conversation in a more positive direction:

 – Where do you work then? 

Wrong question! I sense the irritation immediately, but he still answers:

 – In a hotel, it is not a career promising job but I am getting paid well so that’s ok. 

The conversation followed with some casual questions and topics like names, nationality, hobbies even went as far as family. I could feel that my former level of confidence  is  plummeting with every minute and might be gone any second. I start looking for a chance to leave. My answers are getting short and close-ended.  Yet, as few times before, he comes back to the same sentence just out of the blue:

 – I love music. 

 – You know, you should try to love people as much as you love music. 

Second attempt to shine some light on this ambiguous and worrying conversation.

 – What do you mean? 

His eyebrows go up and I decide to be strong and continue:

 – When you will leave this club tonight, carry that love with you.  Believe in  humanity, it can reward you with the same feeling as music does. In the end, it’s even better.

He looks at me with a smile. Again it creeps me out a bit… His pupils are not getting any smaller and those occasional howls like a wild wolf in the middle of the forest with his head straight up to the ceilling does not help me to control the levels of adrenaline pumping into my blood, triggering fight-or-flight response.

 – Calm down. I am a nice guy. Think positively. I am going to dance and then go home. I will never see you again and you will never see me. I am a bit crazy person, (howls) but you have to take me positively and then everything is going to be ok.

Don’t be afraid –  it makes you draw the wrong frame on anything I say. Your interpretations of my simple sentences are the reality and meaning that you created. It has little to do with what I am actually saying. Only if you would look at what I say positively, the whole anxiety will be gone.

We are two different people from two different paths talking to each other and sharing experiences. This is life happening right now! It is nice and you should see it that way. Although, we are both  right about one thing – I am  crazy…

He laughs, howls like a wolf again with his head up and walks away. And this is a story how a men-wolf taught me to speak heart-to-
heart rather than face-to-face. Then simply disappeared somewhere in the dark between the leaping spirits of dancing bodies.
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